British vs. American

Background on the development of English Language:

English is a Germanic language of Indo-European family. Before 5th century A.D., the native inhabitants of British isle spoke Celtic language, which was quickly replaced when the 3 Germanic tribe: Angles, Saxons, and Jutes arrived. Then 4 dialects developed: Northumbrian, Mercian, West Saxon and Kentish. By the end 8th century, Northumbrian dominated, which used the Runic alphabet. In the 9th century, Viking invasions brought the Scandinavian influences into the old English language. The development of church system brought Latin words.By 10th century, West Saxon became the official language. Up till this stage, the language is referred to as the old English, with an Anglo-Saxon base, and borrowed words from Danish, Norse(sky, egg, skin, leg, window, etc) and Latin(street, kitchen, kettle, cup, cheese, angel, bishop, candle, etc), while the Celtic still remained in place names(Kent, Trent, Thames, Dover, etc). The German grammar is still visible in men, oxen, feet, teeth and children with the rule of plural forms.

In 1066, the Normans conquered Britain, and French became the official language. The French occupied the upper class while English natives worked as servants. Words like ox, cow, calf, sheet, deer remained in English while the prepared food such as beef, veal, pork, bacon were borrowed from French. It wasn’t until 14th century, king HenryⅣ became the king of England and London dialect became the official language. This marked the Middle English.

Modern English started from 15th century, where English went under another era of changes. During the renaissance, Shakespeare alone coined over 1600 words.

Languages that have contributed words to English include Latin, Greek, French, German, Arabic, Hindi (from India), Italian, Malay, Dutch, Farsi (from Iran and Afganistan), Nahuatl (the Aztec language), Sanskrit (from ancient India), Portuguese, Spanish, Tupi (from South America) and Ewe (from Africa).



In 16th century, insufficient resource for the rapidly growing economy in countries such as Span, Portugal, and France resulted in massive colonization. The Britain marked their footprints all over the world mainly through settlement and colonization. Their settlement colonies included North America, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa. Their exploitation colonies include Asia, Central America and Africa.

In 1607, the 1st colony Jamestown was established in Virginia. Others followed and by the year 1733 there were 13 colonies along the east coast of America. The early settlements were people escaping religious persecution in Europe as a result of reformation; they include many Catholics and Puritans. The major waves were the Irish, Dutch, British, French and black slaves. Language was very diverse. In order to achieve uniformity and mark the independence from British Isles, a movement of uniting and establishing the unique American English language started. In 1789, Noah Webster presented a landmark paper “Dissertations on the English language” and later he published the first dictionary in United States, which became the official guide of US English.


The areas speaking British and American English:

American(Ame):

• Far East (especially Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Philippines; excluding the former British colonies of Hong Kong and Singapore),
• Americas (excluding other former British colonies such as Canada, Jamaica, and the Bahamas)
• in Africa, Liberia.
• The World Bank, and the Organization of American States, among other organizations

British(Bri):

• United Kingdom, colonies of British Empire
• Africa
• All Middle Eastern
• Indian subcontinent (Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh)
• portions of Southeast Asia
• Malta, Australia and New Zealand
• Ireland
• European Union, United Nations. International Olympic Committee, NATO, World Trade Organization, ISO

British vs. American

They differ most obviously in their pronounciation.

• The "R" sound in Ame is rhotic(all pronounced), which in Bri is non-rhotic(pronounced only when it is after a vowel)
• The distinction between unstressed "i" and "e" is in Ame, eg. roses/Rosa's, batted/battered.
• In Ame the difference between "t" and "d" is sometimes ambiguous, as in bitter/bidder, and rated/raided.
• The streeses are different in some words: eg. Ame first syllable, Bri second syllable: address, m(o)ustache, cigarette, limousine, magazine

The grammar differ in the following areas:

• Singular and plural for nouns: eg. Bri: The clash are a well-known band. Ame: The clash is a well known band. Both:The beatles are a well-known band.
• Use of tenses: Bri uses the present perfect tense while Ame expresses them in present perfect or simple past: eg. Have you/Did you cleaned your teeth? I've just/I just got home.
• Verb morphology: Ame tend to use -ed for some past tense while Bri commonly uses -t. eg. dreamed/dreamt, leaped/leapt, learned/learnt, spelled/spelt. Ame allows more irregular verbs while Bri regards them as regular. eg. fit/fitted, forecast/forecasted, knit/knitted, lit/lighted, wed/wedded.
• Vocabulary: many occasions, Ame and Bri use different words to refer to the same thing. Following is a list of some common examples.

Comp. speech 03 Oct 1997, 27 April 2006
http://www.speech.cs.cmy.edu/comp.speech/index.html
Etherington “The best of British: The American guide to speaking British” 27 April 2006
http://www.effingpot.com
KryssTal “The origin and history of the English language” 1997, 27 April 2006
http://www.krysstal.com/english.html
Ladefoged Peter “ Resources for studying spoken English” 21 Jan 2006, 27 April 2006
http://faculty.washington.edu/dillon.PhonResources/
Nuance Commercial products 2006, 27 April 2006
http://www.nuance.com/products/
Paul “English globalization” 2 March 2005, 27 April 2006
http://www.antimoon.com/forun/posts/6652.htm
Smith Jeremy “The American-British British-American dictionary: for English speaking people” 29 Feb 2004, 27 April 2006
http://www.peak.org/~jeremy/dictionary/dict.html
Tan Peter “The development of American English” 3 Feb 2006, 27 April 2006
http://courses.nus.edu.sg/course/elltankw/history/American.htm
Wikipedia “ Old English language” 25 April 2006, 27 April 2006
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_English_language

The unreliable narrator

The silence of Amir’s life was disrupted by a sudden phone call from an old friend, dating back to the childhood, deeply buried with all the effort. The voice, long lost in the ruins of war and struggles for existence, brought to surface a story of bond, friendship, love, hate, betrayal, guilt and redemption. The age of the narrator when the harm was done and the extent of his self-accusation make him hard to blame. His guilty feelings foreshadow him narration throughout the story, which greatly impaired his ability to observe objectively. Just like Holden Caulfield tends to view the surrounding negatively, Amir always blames himself for all the faults.

Born as the son of a well-respected Pashtun, Amir is expected to be as successful as his father, if not better. Trying desperately to please Baba and willing to sacrifice everything to gain his affection, Amir is burdened with the guilt of not being similar to him ever since he could remember. For Amir, Baba is the hero of his life. He is strong and masculine, “lore has it my father once wrestled a black bear in Baluchistan with his bare hands. (p13)”. He is authoritative, in a culture where everyone tends to exaggerate, nobody has ever doubted the tale. His nickname is apt enough to label his tough and powerful nature, “Toophan agha—Mr. Hurricane (p13)”. The fame and respect didn’t come easily, however, since Baba isn’t a man of conventions. He is scornful of the religious dogmas taught in schools, referring the teachers as “self-righteous monkeys (p18)”. He planned and directed the building of the orphanage himself, with no previous knowledge on architecture. Ignoring people’s advice, he started a career in business instead of studying law as his father, and proved everybody wrong with his wild success. Marrying one of the most respected ladies in Kabul, he once again settled people’s disbelief. He is generous, not only the orphanage was entirely funded by him, he also gives money to people in need and help them find jobs. Being a man of honor, he has his own system of judgments—black and white, and nothing in between. There’s nothing as a compromise in his dictionary, what’s right he supports with all he could, what’s wrong he fights against, even risking his own life in front of Russian soldier’s gun, when he stood up for a woman he didn’t know about.

“With me as the glaring exception, my father molded the world around him to his liking (p16).” Rather than being a pride of his father, Amir stood as a shadow, living miserably in Baba’s shining lights. Being who he is, Amir couldn’t fit into Baba’s world. He used to sit outside father’s smoky room and listen to their chatter and laughter. Feeling ignored and not cared about, he took it as his own fault. His biggest sin before the kite running competition was not being like Baba, the tough and proud man. Amir has a quiet, non-violent and weak nature which prevented him from standing up for himself or anyone else. Baba was disappointed with his interest in literature, and his lie to conceal the fact Hassan was the one who stood up for him in street fights every time.

What makes Amir’s situation even worse was his mother died giving birth to him. He blames himself for taking his mother’s life, and robbing his father of his beloved wife, while not being able to compensate it.

From Amir’s point of view, the heroic man is his source of respect, fear and frustration. Because they have totally different personalities, it was nearly impossible for them to communicate and understand each other. Most of Amir’s the knowledge of father came from other people’s talk. Never received love from a mother, he’s even more desperate for father’s love. Yet father’s so hard to approach, let alone to please. Even after he won the kite running competition, the harmonic atmosphere couldn’t last long. It was bitterly ironic, a guilt that haunts him for years and a sacrifice of a buddy can’t even exchange for a bridge to reach his father. But the result is inevitable, though unknown to Amir at the time.

The misunderstanding was cleared gradually after they moved to US. Baba’s love was proved to be more contained than absent. However hard the work was, he wouldn’t let Amir quit school to help, and was proud for his son to get into college. Still didn’t quite understand his son’s pursuit in writing stories, he was proud Amir finally accomplished something. With the little money he made with tons of sweat, he bought his son a car. And later they went into a restaurant and a bar to celebrate the graduation. What it took for them to come close and understand each other, was Baba’s coming down from that superior stage, to a place he worked to support his son, and spiritually his son supported him. At the time when they were in Kabul, all that was impossible, social life and his “important work” were enough to occupy Baba and let him ignore the alien son. Baba was too high and far away to reach, and too busy and helpless to understand his son.

The secret that contributed to Amir’s sufferings is Hassan’s identity. Revealed after Baba’s death, the truth added another dimension to Baba’s personality and brought him closer to Amir. In fact Hassan was the result of Sanaubar’s temptation and Baba’s infidelity, not Ali’s son. Ever since Hassan was born, Baba has been suffering greatly from his own guilt, and his inability to provide Hassan what he should as the real father. Because of the difference in their social status, Hassan became Amir’s servant instead of brother, and lived in a small hut at the back of the house with his “father” Ali. As they both grew up, Hassan showed more similarities with Baba than Amir did. Being a servant, Hassan always stood up for Amir and served as a loyal protector. He was honest and good-natured, but Amir was jealous for every bit of Baba’s care for Hassan. Fed by the same nursing woman, they were often reminded of “a brotherhood…a kinship not even time could break (p11)”. But Amir couldn’t understand the “brotherhood” at that time, and couldn’t tolerate the share of Baba’s love. Without the knowledge of the real relationship between Baba and Hassan, Amir took Baba’s behaviors as a punishment. He believed it was because Baba didn’t like him that he treated him the same as Hassan.

Amir’s greatest source of guilt came from what he had done to Hassan, and what he didn’t do to save him. Ever since their early childhood, Amir has been humiliating and testing Hassan. He spent a lot of time with Hassan, although the line between master and servant was ambiguous, he never crossed the border as to refer Hassan as his friend or brother. To him, Hassan has never been a friend, but a buddy to play with, a dog to kick, and a wall that protects him from other nasty kids. He confessed reading Hassan stories to enjoy the superiority of his own literacy, when Hassan asked him the meaning of a word, he never let go of the opportunity to laugh at his ignorance. Though fully aware of Hassan’s intelligence and his ignorance was due to the lack of opportunity, Amir consciously prevented Hassan’s intellectual development. Instead of encouraging his curiosity in knowledge, Amir always stopped when Hassan became better at something than him.

As cruel as he has described himself, Amir’s reactions merely showed his human weakness. It was originally impossible for him to regard Hassan as a friend because of the difference in their social status. And it’s natural for Amir to be envious of the care Hassan received from Baba since his own bitter struggles were fruitless. The only way he could feel compensated was to torture Hassan. Despite the fact that Hassan was the one that encouraged, helped and understood him most, his role as a servant assured Amir whatever harm he did to him, he wouldn’t betray. Amir himself saw Hassan in a inferior position, being laughed at and humiliated by neighborhood kids, who couldn’t get formal education no matter how much he craved knowledge. From moral judgments, taking advantages from such a suppressed person was in anyway guilty, and that’s how Amir judged himself. But those faults were only minor comparing to the time after the kite running competition. His weak nature prevented him from standing up for Hassan behind that wall, and facing Hassan afterwards reminded him too much of his guilt and cowardice. With cruel lies that hurt all of Hassan, Ali and Baba, Amir drove away the physical reminder, but it haunted him from then on.

Regarding their social status, no doubt Amir was superior to Hassan. But looking at their spiritual aspect, it’s reasonable to say Hassan felt sympathy towards Amir. Although his father was physically impaired, and disrespected just as he was for their Hazara background, Ali was so fond of him, their relationship was far closer and more pleasant than Ali and Baba’s. For Hassan, Ali was the fragile and sensitive child that needed to be taken care of, and loved.

Not only Ali’s narrative is unreliable regarding the people around him, his perceptions of the environment are biased, too. Living in a well-off area with a rich father, he has never seen what real life was like until the war. Just as the drive Farid said, “you’ve always been a tourist here, you just didn’t know it.(p245)” The beautiful houses, well-attended backyards and servants give him the false impression that Kabul is the paradise. He has never experienced the hardship in life and known how people struggled to live before. When coming back from US, he was astonished by the beggars lining the streets and houses blown off into ruins.

In the Kite Runner, Amir’s inexperience as a child, his nature that caused him to be guilt-ridden, and his limited perceptions all contributed to his unreliability. The aspects he couldn’t see as the narrator, are indicated in ways of environment and other people’s talks. And in this way his character becomes more believable and reasonable. Narrators are unreliable because of their subjectivity, no one is able to observe without judging or relating to personal experiences and distort facts. All narrators are in a sense unreliable because writers are all fallible. Due to their own experiences and what they want to express, the works are going to reveal unconscious assumptions of culture and ethics of the writers. It is hard to say whether the lack of feminine characters is a result of Muslim culture where women are not generally considered as important as men, since the writer is clearly very careful with his word choices. There’s no offense against women in the novel, but the discrimination wasn’t portrayed until Amir’s marriage. It was revealed through Soraya’s father and his dominant role in the family.

What do I remember of the desert?
What do I remember of the desert?
I remember the grass fresh with morning dew
Was fed to the camels
Loaded bags like balloons were buckled between their humps
What do I remember of the desert?
I remember the dunes shoved from side to side
Monotonous as the rhythm of a bell
Our footprints were buried
Soon as appeared
What do I remember of the desert?
I remember the cold
Penetrating like a sharp sword
Carving every word
Of wind’s whisper into my bones
Sacks withered like petals
Swinging light in the roaring wind
What do I remember of the desert?
I remember the lash
And a horse racing out desperate
The saddest circle I’ve ever seen was sinking inevitably
Into the sand
Blood red
Now that years have passed I still wonder
Did he ever get out of that mirage?

June

The town we just left was quite small. From up the hill, it looked just like a checkerboard. Streets cut the land into perfect squares, houses were identical except for the color of the roofs. Trees were trimmed like mushrooms, grown equidistantly along straight lines. The first day after our tent was set up, a few people came by and asked about our show. We handed out schedules and did a few magic tricks on the spot. They nodded, and left. A few minutes later an announcement came through the speakers set at every corner of the streets. “Attention, citizens,” it was announcing our show! We soon learned that the spot we occupied was called the 7th and 8th. “The show will start at 7pm, and the price is 3 per person…” It went on about the programs, as listed in front of our tent. People walked by, nodded to us, with no more inquiries, nor was anyone attracted by our little tricks. S put the deck of cards into its box and went inside the van I stayed out, trying to find a tree that wasn’t in line.

Nobody showed up, it was a quarter to seven. L, our driver, suggested that we pack up and leave. People here seemed to have no interest in us at all. I turned toward K, who lit up a cigarette. He said nothing. It was five to seven when people poured in. Not exactly pouring, since they kept in line when they entered, but they all arrived at the same time, from everywhere. Tickets were sold out in five minutes. The show started right on time. It went smoothly for the rest of the night. But I know we all felt something strange.

The next few days went on the same, people came 5 minutes before the show and filled all the seats. The announcement came out for news at regular intervals. By the fifth day I figured out what was weird, people laughed at every single joke as if they had been the funniest joke they had every heard, and they wowed at every single trick as if they had been truly magical. Even more bizarre was they left as soon as the show came to an end. Children didn’t come to us for balloons, nor did they beg to squeeze my rubber nose. The all clap, and within five minutes, they were all gone.

The next morning we stood out to watch the sunrise, K was smoking his last pack of cigarette—they were not sold in here, nor was alcohol.

“Did you notice the stone we passed at the entrance of the town?”

I shook my head.

“It says ‘Order is the foundation of civilization’.” Then he turned to look at the houses and streets. “Everything is strictly ordered here,” he paused, “and everything seems to be based on some rules.”

Meanwhile a car parked in front of us, a man in official suits came out. A smile on his face.

“According to the law, any performances and exhibitions are allowed in town for seven days. I’m here to notify you that your show can carry on for two more days, and you are welcome to stay for another week. Thank you.” Brief as the announcements. Another smile and he turned towards his car.

“Excuse me,” it was K.

The man turned around with the smile on. “ Anything unclear that I can explain to you?”

“No, just out of curiosity, what’s the population of this town?”

“120.”

I gasped. We had been selling exactly 120 tickets every day.

The next 3 nights I recognized him coming, nodding politely at the entrance. And I made out his face distorted with laughter through the stage light. “You liked our show?” I asked the last night he came. He nodded. “Order is the foundation of civilization. When there’s time to work, work hard; when there’s time to be entertained, laugh hard.”

The cat meows. This is the end of the squared crop field that has spread along the road like a green apron. Ahead, a lake sparkling with gold appears at our left, and the road becomes unsteady. “End of civilization,” S yawns, as the bouncing made it no longer suitable for his nap.

Sky

Burned to red in the desert,
Frozen in blue on top of a mountain,
Somewhere in the north, green and yellow whirl around.
A painting,
With all the colors in the world, yet no color of its own.

Call it Gemini, Virgo, or Libra,
Little twinkling stars map out all the luck.
Some say it’s a face of child. It shines,
But it’ll change.
The fluffy clouds signal a sudden rain.

Thunder cracks it open—
Without a scar it heals.
Oh the rainbow, cheers to the survival!
A crown over the quivering earth,
Or a tombstone of lost pride?

On Mr. Antolini’s sexuality

During the few days of Holden’s journey, we are introduced to mainly two groups of people: the hypocritical, and the sincere. From MR. Spencer, the headmaster, Stradlater, Ackley in the Pencey Prep school, to Sally, Carl Luce and Maurice he met in New York, Holden has described the majority of the people around him with a clear disgust, and those people represent the phony adulthood Holden is trying to escape from. The other group, including his dead younger brother Allie, little sister Phoebe, Jane Gallagher, and the two nuns, are the ones he thinks as sincere and innocent, whom he’s either trying to catch, or seeking guidance from.

It is quite ambiguous, however, when we come to categorize Mr. Antolini. Holden certainly respects him and considers him the best teacher he’s ever had. He was the one that picked up James Castle and “didn’t even give a damn if his coat got all bloody”. He offers refuge for Holden and gives him sincere advice, and even Holden recognizes “it was nice of him to go to all that trouble”. Then the startling scene arrives when Holden just falls asleep, and feels Antolini’s hand on his forehead, “he was sort of petting me or patting me on the goddam head”. He immediately flees from Mr. Antolini’s apartment. Soon after he arrives at the station, though, he starts to doubt that maybe his initial judgment was wrong and Mr. Antolini wasn’t trying to “make a flitty pass” at him.

Many critiques follow Holden’s judgment, assuming Mr. Antolini is homosexual. They then come to the conclusion that it symbolizes Holden’s failure in seeking a catcher for himself and guidance for future. Ironically, Mr. Antolini becomes the agent of Holden’s “terrible, terrible fall” by violating Holden’s image of him. Holden felt “depressed more than ever” and experienced an emotional breakdown. As Jonathan Baumbach put it, “It is the equivalent of the loss of God. The world, devoid of good fathers (authorities), becomes a soul-destroying chaos in which his survival is possible only through withdrawal into childhood, into fantasy, into psychosis.”(Baumbach 66). This disillusionment was foreshadowed by Mr. Antolini’s failure as catcher for James Castle. He couldn’t prevent the fall nor catch him when he fell, the only thing he did was pick up his body after he died.

But when considering Holden’s point of view, it’s important to realize that he’s an unreliable narrator. Even he himself admits, “I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life”. Some supported evidence of Mr. Antolini’s homosexuality by examining the facts concerning him. First of all, he’s married to an old woman, although they get along well, it’s suspicious whether love exists between them. The fact that “They were always kissing each other a lot in the public” is highly suggestive of Mr. Antolini’s homosexuality according to Jonathan Baumbach (66), as a gesture of pretence. Secondly, after Holden wakes up and questions him “What the hellya doing?”, he answered “Nothing! I’m simply sitting here, admiring—”. Clearly he’s admiring Holden’s facial features, as some claim, which is another proof of his homosexuality.

The reasons provided are not very convincing, when examined carefully. Mrs. Antolini is indeed older than Mr. Antolini and perhaps not as physically attractive, but she is very intellectual, which allows them to communicate and thus to be built upon it, understanding. There’s no reason why love couldn’t exist between them. Just as she’s old, there’s little likelihood they’ll have a child in the future. Holden comes to Mr. Antolini seeking for a father’s guidance, and Mr. Antolini is also a compassionate teacher. From what he did for James Castle, and his care for Holden, we can indicate that he has a paternal feeling for his students. The advice he gave Holden was after careful thinking, and “he plays the good parent when Holden yawns” by “breaking off the lecture immediately”(Costello 19). Looking at the name “Antolini”, it’s easy to recognize that it’s Italian. Some critiques analyze the meaning of the names in the novel, and this one is certainly highly intentioned. By associating Mr. Antolini with Italians, it becomes natural to pat a young boy which he considers a son, and kiss his wife in the public. It explains the “perverty” behaviors considered by Americans. Moreover, taking into account the drinks he has had, the emotions are even closer to surface, and the patting is a reasonable gesture of paternal love.

Taking a look at Mr. Antolini’s own situations, it’s evident that he himself is leading a “fallen” life. He lives in “a swanky apartment”, goes to tennis clubs, and is a heavy drinker. The “terrible terrible fall” might be his description of his own life, and the act of admiring Holden is essentially an act of mourning his own youth.

This incident is actually very heavily foreshadowed. Holden has problems with his sexuality, that he’s incapable of establishing sexual relationships with women. Remember Carl Luce often gave sex talks to him, “he knew who every flit and Lesbian in the United States was…He used to scare the hell out of us. I kept waiting to turn into a flit or something.” This left a lasting impression on Holden, and thus he has been “prepared to see the evil where it doesn’t exist”(Costello 19). Carl Luce has poisoned his mind, and since Holden is a very sensitive person, he sometimes overreacts to what happens around him. Consider Holden’s description of the scene:

I woke up all of a sudden. I don’t know what time it was or anything, but I woke up. I felt something on my head, some guy’s hand. Boy, it really scared hell out of me. What it was, it was Mr. Antolini’s hand. What he was doing was, he was sitting on the floor right next to the couch, in the dark and all, and he was sort of petting me or patting me on the goddam head.

The fact we can derive from this is, Mr. Antolini was indeed touching his head in the dark, but as Duane Edwards argued, “the difference between patting and petting is great: we pat children and pet lovers.”(Edwards 110). There’s no evidence suggesting that Mr. Antolini is making a pass at him, his reactions after Holden woke up seem to be calm. His answer to Holden’s nervous questioning is “Nothing. I’m simply sitting here, admiring—”, it’s only Holden that’s scared and trying to run away. It is unreasonable for him to take advantage of Holden while his wife is in the next room. And what he said when Holden’s leaving “You’re a very very strange kid”, implies his confusion about Holden’s overreaction.

Rather than Mr. Antolini being homosexual, it’s Holden’s own problems that makes him misjudge and misunderstand his respectful teacher. It doesn’t happen by accident, however, if we analyze its effect in the whole story. The role of a Godly figure is set up, as a catcher and guidance for Holden and provides hope. But it is surely to be destroyed, since the story is not to have a positive implication, as Salinger himself claims. It breaks Holden’s last straw, yet the tragedy lies within Holden himself. He rejects the person that’s “willing to help him and treats him as a human being yearning for a grasp of real adulthood”(Costello 19). It is the society that poisoned Holden’s judgment, and in this way he’s condemned by the adult world. It is quite ironic that someone like Carl Luce, who gives sex talks to young boys, who is the most sexually mixed up character, doesn’t need to be analyzed. But Holden, the victim of the poisonous society is considered “crazy”. The arrangement of this incident is in fact the clearest demonstration of the world’s evil. What stimulates Holden’s fall, is not the disillusionment with Mr. Antolini, but the society’s injustice and illness.




Bibliography:
Bloom, Harold ed Holden Caufiled New York: Chelsea house publishers 1990
Baumbach, Jonathan The Saint As a Young Man p66
Burrows, David J Allie and Phoebe p81-82
Costello, Patrick Salinger and ‘Honest Lago’ p18-19
Edwards, Duane “Don’t Ever Tell Anybody Anything” p110
Lundquist, James Against Obscenity p120

Today’s May 24th, my birthday. I don’t know how old
I am. End of spring, is when I was born.

I wanted to be a clown. Now that’s what I am. Big red round nose, white starry eyes, baggy pants full of bright colors, and an always smiling face. An old trailer truck is what takes us traveling, northbound in the summer and southbound in the winter, like a migrating bird. I can’t remember its original color any more, to me it has been slow and rusty since the beginning of time. But today it’s got a new paint, fresh white with colorful strips whirling around its fat body.

May, a word of uncertainty and endless possibilities, is the word of my life. We’re not travelers. Travelers have scenes to see. We wander. Every story is a journey through memories and dreams, of past and future. The lines of lives intertwine and eventually blend into an explosion, as magnificent as the fireworks, brightest flowers blossoming in the deep, black sky. And May, is the time it takes for all the lines to grow long, and buds to gain their fullness.

At night, the sky is endless.